Insomnia

It seems overtired ramblings are almost becoming a theme here.

I went to bed 3 hours ago.

I laid there for 2 of the last 3 hours and was unable to fall asleep.  Instead of getting frustrated I got up and did some chores I should have done before bed – wash, dry and put away the dishes, fold the load of dry laundry, prepare Ezekiel’s lunch for tomorrow.

So all that is done, but while I was doing it I was mulling over WHY in the world am I still awake?? I very very rarely suffer from insomnia (unless I’m sleeping during the day post night shift).  I am having quite a bit of heartburn tonight – despite a ginormous dose of a PPI prescribed for that.  So that could be it, or at least contributing.  Is it stress – that too is likely contributing.  Although I don’t feel super stressed I can’t deny that my current health is starting to really weigh heavy.

The interesting thing is that I no longer fear it being something incredibly serious and scary.  I’m not really sure why – my symptoms have become even worse than they were the last time I wrote.  I’m not going to get into that again but it’s pretty bad now.  Even as bad as it is I still catch myself daily analyzing them – is it really as bad as I’m making it out to be? (yes) Is it really necessary to get so many investigations? (yes) Can’t I just live with this – make it my new normal? (no)

I think I’ve officially come to the point of frustration and I’m realizing the frustration all lies in lack of control.  Of course it sucks to feel crappy all.the.time. but the frustrating part comes in not being able to do anything I had planned for the year.  I had really big plans this year – MCAT, Yoga, Steps, possibly baby #2 and all of that has been thrown off course, put on hold.  I’m here waiting for the next step but the next step isn’t even in my line of sight.

The internal medicine doctor that I have been seeing is equally stumped and frustrated.  He can’t clinically narrow down a diagnosis and so we wait for more tests and more consults meanwhile trying to treat the symptoms – which has been difficult and unsuccessful thus far.  I’ve tried desperately to manage the symptoms with diet thinking maybe if I just get a little more strict with this or that – maybe that will fix it.  Nothing I’ve tried thus far has worked.

So here I am, unable to sleep overanalyzing life desperately trying to cling to control of anything. It’s probably why I’ve become even more obsessed with plants (it’s a real problem) and why I wore myself thin trying to get my greenhouse up and running (IT IS! YAY! More on that later).  Tonight I’ll just try and accept what is and live life anyways – starting with sleep.

Stress Away is diffusing, chamomile tea is being sipped and worship music is playing.  I think those will all help.

Good night friends, thanks for sticking with me through my ramblings.

 

I’m Here!

Elkridge, Cypress Hills

Friends!

I’m so sorry for the 3 month hiatus.

The past few months have been so hectic that I decided to take a blog break but you know I can’t stay away for long!  The “itch” to blog has been nagging me for a few weeks so I’m going to try my best to get ahead of the game the next couple weeks and get some posts written and scheduled.  I have a plethora of ideas of posts so that’s not going to be the issue, but getting the time to sit down and write them out is where the challenge is.

I started a new job in January and on top of that I am working at my old job every Sunday – 6 days a week and 55 hours a week.  Crazy, I know.  For a couple months we had one rental room vacant in our basement and that put a lot of strain on me financially – somehow we made it through!  I’m continuing to work most Sunday’s through the summer to get us caught up and comfortable and then I’ll drop down to every other Sunday or so.  Even though it’s busy and crazy and I’m missing my little man a lot during the week, I am finally finding the flow and comfortability in my routine.  It really helps that it’s summer and the days are longer, it feels as though I can accomplish a good amount of tasks each day to keep on top of the house work and yard work.  I can’t say that I would want to live like this for long, but for the time being while my husband is in school it’s a way to get us through.  I’m honestly just thankful that I have a career that gives me the ability to support my family and especially my husband while he pursues his dream.  I’m already living my dream – I have my dream job, my family and a nice house in a great neighbourhood.  He deserves the opportunity to be able to pursue his passions and I’m so grateful I get to be a part of that journey with him.

A lot has happened in the last three months and I’m not going to try and cram it in to one post.  What I’ll try and do is some topic specific updates over the next little while.  I’m excited to catch you up on all things Canadian residency, garden, food and DIY projects!

Have a fabulous Tuesday!

What’s Up

Whew!

We survived my first week back at work.  I worked 3 twelve hour days and it wasn’t all sunshine and happiness, but I think we did pretty good!

Adjusting to new situations is never an easy thing, and for some it’s much harder than for others.  For my family, I adjusted the easiest, but I was going into a familiar situation, and a situation that I am passionate about.  So being at work was therapeutic for me.  It was great to get back to the ebb and flow of the unit, to interact with my coworkers, patients and families.  It was wonderful to use my mind in a different way, to think critically and medically.  Although emotionally Ezekiel adjusted fantastically his poor body was bombarded with germs of other kids and he is now fighting off what I think is a throat infection.  Thankfully I was off yesterday because he was the sickest then, not eating, not drinking and sleeping the day away.  I think with intermittent advil and tylenol he’s feeling a bit better today.  My poor husband is adjusting the hardest.  He’s finding the school/home balance to be quite difficult, I keep encouraging him that every new change takes time to adjust and before you know it this part of life with be our norm.

It’s a bit of a crazy week because of the way I scheduled my orientation shifts, and not all weeks will be as busy.  Ezekiel’s birthday is next week so my mind is stressing over the preparation for the party among the rest of my to do’s, and work shifts.  I keep telling myself that no matter what, in the end it’s all going to be OK anyway.  That’s been my life motto, and it’s never let me down.

So having said all that I thought I’d do a very delayed What’s Up post.  Here’s what we’ve been up to the last two weeks:

IMG_5271Getting our first community food box! 25 pounds of produce for $20, great deal and a great way to incorporate things I wouldn’t usually buy.

IMG_5284Taking a break from fiction and reading a book that blew my mind and will make me a better person.  Go get this now!

IMG_5296Late night cleaning in preparation for my parents arrival.

IMG_5300Learning how to stand up everywhere and consequently knocking things over.

IMG_5339Brushing up on some knowledge before my return to work.

IMG_5392Baking eggs for breakfast sandwiches to fail (I will never bake eggs again, worst decision ever).

IMG_5394Very slowly painting the buffet (this process has been agonizingly slow).

IMG_5396IMG_5398Enjoying having my dad around to do all the little tasks (and big ones).

IMG_5397Treating myself to my favourite coffee at the Farmers Market.

IMG_5406Learning how to hem pants, thanks to my mom.

IMG_5429_2Enjoying a snow day.

IMG_5439_2Recertifying for 12 hrs at work and getting my brain back into working mode.

IMG_5523Loving being back in scrubs.

IMG_5547Caffeinating myself after a long night with a sick babe.

Here’s to another week of enjoying the moments and finding simplicity.

What’s Up

 

 

Here’s what’s been up this week.

What's Up Oct 9/14

Getting fancy with my hair.

What's Up Oct 9/14

Experimenting with homemade chalk paint.

What's Up Oct 9/14

Then realizing my mistake.

What's Up Oct 9/14

Still obsessing over Harry Potter, and drinking a lot of latte’s trying to learn how to do latte art.

What's Up Oct 9/14

Getting somewhere with my freezer meals.

What's Up Oct 9/14

Finally getting bigger diapers for Ezekiel (he’s been in infant size about 10 lbs to long).

What's Up Oct 9/14

I was tempted to buy all 8 covers in this print.

Here’s to another week of enjoying the moments and finding simplicity.

What’s Up

I can’t believe its Thursday again.  These weeks are going by far too quickly, but I’m trying my best to enjoy each and every moment.

Here’s what’s been up this week:

What's Up Oct 2/14Enjoying new shoes.

What's Up Oct 2/14Marveling at huge apples.

What's Up Oct 2/14Teaching Ezekiel how to drink from a bottle.

What's Up Oct 2/14Painting chalkboard walls.

What's Up Oct 2/14Pumping during morning devotions.

What's Up Oct 2/14Dreaming about how to refurbish this piece.

What's Up Oct 2/14Enjoying coffee on National Coffee Day.

What's Up Oct 2/14Cleaning out the hair from my vacuum head. #gross #longhairproblems

What's Up Oct 2/14Deep cleaning the fridge before grocery day.

Here’s to another week of enjoying the moments and finding simplicity.

What’s Up

Here’s what’s been up this week:

Pumpkin Spice Latte

Drinking lots of homemade pumpkin spice lattes and going on a coffee buying fast.

Landline

Getting a landline and cancelling my data phone plan to save money.

Reclaimed Canada

Visiting super a super cool warehouse full of vintage finds and reclaimed barnwood.

Sleepless Nights

Making guest beds at 2 am so I can cuddle my sweet son as he fights his first cold.

Yoga

Taking 30 minutes each day to learn yoga and focus on me.

New Shoes

Celebrating amazing sales and discovering a new favorite shoe brand that is comfy and fit my enormous feet.

Salted Caramel Latte

Creating a salted caramel syrup for yummy lattes.

Healthy Eating

Focusing on eating well.

Here’s to another week of enjoying the moments and finding simplicity.

What’s Up

Here’s what’s been up this week:

Almond Flour Banana Bread

Despite utter exhaustion, there’s lots of baking happening, recipes coming soon!

Read, Pray, Rest

Trying to read more, pray more, and rest more.

Tea and Peaches

Skipping lunch in favor of fruit and tea, every day.

Ripe Tomatoes

Enjoying home grown food.

IMG_4208

Practicing finger foods and resisting the urge to have everything spotless all.the.time.

Handstand

Trying to learn how to handstand.

Caffe Artigiano

Drinking my favorite coffee ever.

Downtown Calgary

Enjoying the last day of beautiful weather before the snow came

Market Collective

Enjoying my Market Collective purchases and celebrating a fantastic new local magazine.

Tomatoes

Protecting the tomatoes from the snow.

September Snow

Marveling at snow in September.

Ikea Walk

Strolling through IKEA to distract us from teething.

Baby Tylenol

Learning a life lesson: Never be without children’s Tylenol.

Here’s to another week of enjoying the moments and finding joy in simplicity.