Ramblings From the Hospital

I’m on day 6 of hospitalization and modified rest.  It’s weird that I have expected this to come, yet now that it’s here I’m in a bit of disbelief that it’s actually happening.  Before I even became pregnant when I talked about a second pregnancy I always had this nagging in the back of my mind that it wasn’t going to be as easy.  Certainly my first pregnancy wasn’t a walk in the park, it had it’s own struggles, but compared to the last 25 weeks it really was so easy.  I don’t know why I was so sure this one was going to be different, I just knew.  Even though I was expecting this in a way there were parts of me that still hoped I could have a relatively event free pregnancy.  I was glad to take the extra pain, all the appointments and medications, modifications at work and at home if I could make it to at least 36 weeks without any serious complications.

Yet here I am wavering between peace and stress, with complications I both expected and didn’t.  I expected my cervix to shorten early – but 24 weeks early? Not so much.  I didn’t expect any other complications – this whole placental abruption just threw me for a loop.  Right now it’s actually not as big of a concern as my cervix – the placenta is functioning well still, the baby is growing and thriving.  However, my presentation of abdominal pain, no bleeding and so early on (19 weeks even though they didn’t find it until 24) is associated with poorer outcomes.  Thankfully I’m in the right place should anything serious happen with the placenta and I’m taking all the necessary precautions  of modified rest and listening to my body.  In anyone else all of that would likely be sufficient to keep the placenta functioning healthily without any more abruption but throw in my connective tissue disorder and it’s just unknown what will happen.  What is known is that my cervix will continue to shorten rapidly, and I will begin to dilate – when? Who knows, but guarantee it’s going to be a lot earlier than 38 weeks when I should be having a scheduled section.  What’s not guaranteed is when baby will actually come.  I mean people go a long time on bed rest and very dilated and deliver big healthy babies.  That’s my ultimate prayer and goal.

All these unknowns and uncontrolled variables -it’s just so much for a control freak like me.  Pregnancy is the ultimate of uncontrolled situations, anything can happen and rarely are you anticipating each situation.  Instead it always seems to be a wait and deal with it when it happens situation.  The opposite of what I would like.

Despite it all I’m doing my very very best to listen to my body first.  I’m trying to be over cautious and joyful through it all.  Not the easiest while stuck in a hospital but there really is just so much to be thankful for.  I try not to think about what-if’s, instead I take each moment in each day as it comes.  I try and occupy my time with useful things (quickly running out of those though!), and rest as much as possible.

This is only a short time (hopefully 12 weeks) in the grand scheme of things, and this little life growing inside me deserves the best chance possible and I’m determined to do everything I can to provide just that.

Living That Hospital Life

Well I figured that since I don’t have much else to do right now I would update the few people who care to read this!

Monday afternoon I had to leave work because I was having some of the worst abdominal pain I had ever felt.  After about an hour of that I began to realize that it probably wasn’t something that should be ignored.  Actually I was in so much pain that I could barely keep it together, I had to get my manager to drive me to the hospital. About an hour after getting to triage the pain started subsiding but they were still running tests and trying to figure out what was happening.  Then gradually everything just went downhill from there. I started having chest pain in my right side – something I had had previously at 19 weeks but had not had again since.  Then shortly after the chest pain started I began having lots of contractions that were two minutes or less apart.  I had the docs pretty worried! I had some episodes of nausea/light headedness and chest pain.  They took me to a couple different tests to check out my lungs and make sure that I didn’t have a pulmonary embolism (which I don’t!).  I had cardiology and OB/GYN trying to figure it out, but it was and really still is a bit of a mystery.  It was clear that I wasn’t going home though!

I spent the night in triage and then moved down to the antenatal unit in the morning.  I had an echo and ultrasound done first thing.  The echo was fine – nothing is wrong with my heart at this point which is a huge plus.  The cardiac side of pregnancy for me is the scariest for everyone because that can go downhill fast, but these episodes are not related to my heart – huge plus!  The ultrasound showed that I most likely have a small concealed placental abruption.  Which means that a small portion of the placenta has peeled away from the uterus wall but I don’t have any bleeding so it is “concealed.”  The good news – it’s small and baby seems to be doing just fine.  The bad news – my uterus doesn’t seem to like the irritation and is making that known by contracting and on top of that this dang chest pain has been relentless.  The other thing the ultrasound found is that my cervix has shortened significantly in two weeks – 7mm actually.  I know that seems small but 6 weeks ago it was a 39 and three days ago it’s a 24 – the number of concern.  Most likely it’s going to continue to shorten significantly, especially since my uterus is not making it easy!

So here I am, on the other side of the hospital bed playing the waiting game.  In the beginning it was really looking like I was going to have a micro-preemie in the NICU in the near future.  I got a round of steroids to help babies lungs, but thankfully things have slowed down and seem to be settling.  Today I had minimal contractions, just a lot of chest pain.  Right now it’s a day by day game, they said they want 24-48 hours of episode free hours before they’ll allow me to go home.  To be honest, even then I’m not sure what that will look like, or how comfortable I am with it.  With Ezekiel I had a silent fast labor and progressed without any discomfort, and now I know my cervix is not staying where it should and so being home only 24 or 25 weeks pregnant with an incompetent cervix is a little concerning.

I’m going on day 5 admitted and starting to get pretty antsy.  Trying my best to stay put and stay as safe as possible.  Not doing too much but laying in bed and trying to keep myself occupied.  I’ve had some visitors which has been lovely, I’m realizing that I must stock up on snacks! It’s 330am and I am STARVING!

It’s been a whirlwind and at times pretty scary but I’m praying and continuing to trust that there is a plan in all of this.  I know this baby is blessed and there is a major plan for it’s life, so I’m confident that everything will turn out just fine!