Back to life……

Hi, hi, hi, hi!

If my title sparked a tune to play in your head you win 100 points and an extra 100 if it’s the tune I was intending.

It’s been almost two years since I wrote anything here. That was, at first, due to the typical “I’m too busy…” or more accurately “I had a shitty year including a surgery and awful recovery” excuse. At the end of 2019 I made the decision to table the blog, stop paying the premium and just keep the domain to see if I ever felt inspired to come back. Surprisingly (to me at least), It’s 2021 and I’m here! I’m not promising anything to you or even to myself. I’ve intentionally not thought about how often or what I want to post about. This is purely an experiment for myself. Let me back it up and give you the briefest summary so that I can better explain what I’m doing here. Warning: word vomit coming up and I’m not really going to attempt to make it appealing or pretty – I’m out of practice and I’m not allowing myself to fixate on “getting it right” before posting. This is me in the raw – brain fog and all.

Here’s 2019 in bullet points:

  • April: had a CT Myelogram (lumbar puncture followed by a CT scan) which gave me a CSF Leak.
  • May: lots of hospital visits and 3 admissions for the CSF leak. The last admission lasted 3 weeks and ended in surgery (it was big and complicated and I won’t go into detail about it) but ironically did not result in fixing the low CSF pressure symptoms.
  • June: had a spinal/dural surgery which sucked.
  • July-December: recovering from surgery which sucked.

LOTS of laying down happened in 2019

Here’s 2020’s summary:

COVID pandemic and worsening back issues and continued low CSF pressure, lots of appointments, decrease in all activity social, physical etc made it a really weird year. My year was as difficult as the worlds. There was lots of good, but lots of hard as well. I don’t think I can really accurately portray the year with my words.

Still lots of laying down in 2020….

So here we are in 2021. I haven’t made much goals and I didn’t pick a one little word. I simply want to improve my life in the little ways that I can. I hope to get healthier in many ways but I’ve been learning to adapt my definition of that word and my expectations surrounding it and I have yet to really define what that could possibly look like. I’m opening myself up to whatever I can to bring a healthier version of myself to the world.

So, how did I make it back to the blog? Well, I’ve been forced to scale WAY back on what I do around my house which has given me ample time to sit around twiddling my thumbs (but actually it’s given me lots of time to just BE). In 2020 I spent enough time on my phone to make me despise social media HA! A couple months ago I deleted instagram on a whim with no goal or intention in mind and I’ve had zero impulse to go back to scrolling the photos and stories. I was exclusively on Facebook since then, mostly for the support and hobby groups as well as Marketplace. Last year was a volatile year in the world and I felt that in my core and it was amplified a million times over by being on social media. A few weeks ago I finally left Facebook as well. I still use Marketplace and use the groups to search when I have a specific question I know can be answered easily there. For the most part I’m 99% social media free and loving the freedom of mind it’s given me. There are things I miss though and a big part of that is sharing what’s on my mind and heart. I’ve been sorting through my phones photos getting ready to make some photo books (I’m about 4 years behind on those) and of course I’ve come across the photos I took for Instagram and I do miss that aspect. Photography and writing were basically my first two creative hobbies that I fell in love with before social media even existed. Over the years I used social media to start sharing those things but last year I realized that the negative effects I was experiencing weren’t worth sharing anymore. I took some time to take a breath and detox my mind from all the chatter. I’ve started getting progressively worse brain fog and cognitive issues from all the health stuff going on (that’s a novel for another day…. maybe…) and it’s really been hard for me to lose the concentration to finish the thoughts and inspiration that I get throughout the day. I want to now challenge myself to start exercising my brain again in this way and maybe that will end up here.

The final push that brought me back is the 100 day project that I try (and fail) to do every year. It’s a creativity challenge to do SOMETHING creative every day for 100 days. Usually people do it and share on social media but I thought this would be a perfect place to share my project. I haven’t chosen anything specific to do. I’m just going to do something intentionally creative every day for 100 days and see where it takes me.

This is my day 1 entry.

So, here’s to decluttering our minds, releasing expectations and trying different things. I’m ready for the ride, where ever it takes me.

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