As I write this my parents are driving back to Saskatchewan after a 4 day visit. They came for Ezekiel’s birthday, which happened to coincide with two very hard weeks. It’s made me realize just how hard this motherhood thing is when we try and do it alone.
I’m a naturally independent person, I pride myself on my ability to do a variety of things on my own. I enjoy being alone, I enjoy challenging myself and I enjoy looking back and saying “I did that.” Be it finishing school while working several jobs, buying a car, getting a job, building something for our backyard, planting a garden or working on a house project. I rarely ever ask for help and that is a huge downfall. Now that I’m mothering two little beautiful humans I’m realizing just how big of a downfall it really is.
A couple weeks ago both Ezekiel and Eden ended up getting sick, and Eden was/is cutting some teeth at the same time. So, besides going to a few essential appointments we were quarantined to our home. I don’t often mind being quarantined to the house but it makes for long days and lots of isolation and too much of that just messes with my head and heart. Once they were starting to feel better (aside from Eden’s teeth) I thought we were in the clear, but I ended up getting really sick and losing my voice over the Remembrance Day long weekend. At the same time as being sick I had to plan and prepare for my parents visit as well as Ezekiel’s birthday party. I was a bit overwhelmed to say the least and honestly feeling awful. Also, this week Eden has decided that she’s no longer satisfied with sitting and playing, she wants to go, go, go, go but can’t actually get anywhere on her own. This results in a lot of screaming and a lot of me holding her and trying to appease her which means I get next to nothing done while she is awake. Sleeping at night is a challenge with teething and such a big developmental milestone so we are all exhausted.
Enter my parents arrival, they swooped in and allowed me to relax. They cooked meals, folded laundry, did the dishes, played a million games with Ezekiel and tried their very best to get Eden to not be a permanent attachment to my body (they succeeded for the most part!). Instead of running around trying to do it all I allowed myself to sit, drink copious amounts of coffee and knit many projects (I finished three items and got another half done!) Of course my husband also is a rock of support but with working part time and stressing himself into his own illness over his last class at school, this past week he couldn’t be a lot of help either.
Honestly, I’m surprised at just how hard I have found adjusting to two children. In some ways it’s not hard at all and it’s all kinds of wonderful. In other ways – especially when there’s a lack of sleep and sickness – it’s the hardest thing ever. I’m surprised at how defeated I can allow myself to feel, I retreat into myself and become introspective trying to solve the problem of how hard this really is. I look at the situation and try and figure out how I can survive and still get it all done.
You know what the solution is?
Ask for and ACCEPT help. Not only that but BUILD your village. Invest into people around you, offer help when you can, lend an ear when you can’t and ask for help when you need it. We are all on this journey together, just trying to survive but also trying to be the best we can for these little humans that rely on us.
Would I have survived without my parents being here?
It would have been a million times harder than it was.
I’m not saying I’m really good at being in a village – in fact I think I actually suck at it but I’m trying harder each day. It’s essential, not only for our own well being but also for the benefit of our children. So today, whatever challenges you are facing find someone you can trust and rely on and allow them to help you. If you’re not in a time of challenges I bet you know someone who is – reach out to them, offer help because this life takes a village, a great big village.