On July 13 I made a decision to take a social media break – at the time I only had Instagram. It seemed like a decision made abruptly to those around me, but in truth it was a decision I had been contemplating for weeks if not months. I didn’t plan to delete my Instagram app on July 13 but I had come to a place physically, mentally, and spiritually that I had had enough. Enough of what? I actually wasn’t sure and for the past two months I couldn’t put my finger on it. I knew that I felt God pulling me towards this break, to take time to focus my energies elsewhere (more on Him perhaps?). So early in the morning in the midst of scrolling Instagram I exited out of the app and deleted it in the same breath. Right after doing it I was in a bit of disbelief – did I really just do that?! Then the next thought – now what?
Well the summer went on, I did more soul searching, praying, reading, listening and honestly I felt no answers. The first week and a bit I really missed it but after that life just went on and I barely thought about it. Every so often I’d do a quick soul check and pray about getting it back but I never felt released to do so and I was perfectly OK with that.
Then a few weeks ago I decided to get Facebook back – if you know me you know this was a huge decision for me. I’ve made my strong dislike for Facebook known, but it’s time to start getting rid of some baby gear and clothes and so I decided to get Facebook purely for the buy and sell groups and Varagesale. I didn’t add any friends but several people found me, and slowly my friends list grew. Then I joined a few Young Living groups and began to love them! Last night after a lot of debate and deliberation with myself I decided I would add all the people I knew that popped up on my suggested friends list. I had this sudden urge to connect. Similarly, today I re-downloaded Instagram and felt such a peace about it. Up until today I hadn’t fully known why I felt so strongly about deleting Instagram and although I had tried a few times to write about it and sort through my thoughts I never felt released to do that either.
Today though I finally feel like I have some clarity, and I feel released to write again.
At the time I didn’t realize how I was feeling – isolated, lonely, lost, trapped, no energy, lack of motivation. I’m reluctant to say I was depressed – maybe it’s pride but truly I don’t feel as though I was truly depressed, I just lacked insight and that was bothering me and manifesting in depressive symptoms. When I deleted the app I felt as though I had very little community that was true and real and I didn’t want to replace true community with false community. Here’s where it gets good – today I had this amazing realization that ALL community is REAL community. Online or in physical form – community is community, people are people.
I spent the last two months bouncing between trying to grasp physical community in full force – planning something several days of the week and being utterly exhausted from overbooking us and dealing with a baby that needed to catch up on sleep. So one week I was a social butterfly, the next week I was a hermit. Today I realized that I just needed to accept the place in life that I am and stop pitying myself and wishing I was in a different place. It took me deleting Instagram for me to be able to do that. Now that I have it’s time to embrace all of who I am:
A mom of two – one being a baby that needs ample amounts of sleep.
A self proclaimed homebody.
A woman recovering from the most exhausting and taxing 2 years of life physically, mentally and emotionally.
A wife needing to connect and stay connected to her husband in a new season of life.
A friend who desires connection in all forms and desires to give that same connection back.
A beloved daughter of the King and member of His Kingdom.
I seriously feel so much more at peace, with who I am, where I am, and the communities I belong to.
What are you being challenged with?