All Consuming


Well, I’ve hit 34 weeks! It’s an amazing milestone considering where we have come from.  When I look back on the last 34 weeks I am astonished at just how blessed I am.  This miracle baby that was naturally conceived (something that does not come easy for my body) and has held on strong ever since.  This body of mine that really fights against pregnancy has held on as well.

Nothing short of a miracle.

Now, after hitting 34 weeks and having the danger of bringing a tiny baby into the world pass I am definitely getting impatient to meet this little one.  My body is again in pain most of the time.  My preterm symptoms are out of control which makes me miserable most of the time.  The changing of the weather is making me antsy to get outside.  The ever growing state of my body is getting uncomfortable.  Sleep has disappeared from my life.  My toddler needs more time outside, more interaction with little ones but I fear leaving the house too often with him in case something happens and I need to get to the hospital fast so he’s often stuck indoors.

So as grateful as I am, I am also ready to hold this little one in my arms.

I expected this pregnancy to be more difficult than my last but honestly I didn’t expect it to be so consuming.  I knew I would likely have a few more appointments but the amount I have had with several different specialties has been crazy.  I thought it would be harder on my body but I didn’t expect my body to be in such pain from 8 weeks on.  I thought I would have an early delivery but I didn’t think I would have so many scares so early on and not to mention hospitalizations.  I knew I’d have to be done work earlier than before but I never expected to be on modified rest for more than 10 weeks.

Usually it’s the first pregnancy that consumes your mind and life, getting ready for your first little one tends to have that effect.  I’ve heard second pregnancies aren’t so consuming because you are running after a toddler and busy already being a mom rather than dreaming about it.  For me the opposite has been true.  This pregnancy has been completely all consuming, it has taken over every aspect of my life.  It’s been what I talk about, what people want to talk about and what I think about the majority of the day.  I analyze every pain and how I’m feeling several times a day and wonder if I need to be checked or not.  I’ve had more doctors examine me than I’d like to admit.

I’m just over it.

I’m ready to start the challenge of mothering two.   I’m ready to have my body back, to start the very long process of healing it.  I’m ready to meet this miracle baby of mine.

Here’s hoping it happens soon! If it doesn’t, 4 weeks is sure to fly by :).

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