33 Weeks and Counting

Well, here I sit in the same hospital bed I was in only 3 short weeks ago wondering if this time I’ll be going home pregnant or not.  At this point I’m betting on still pregnant but really – who knows?!

It’s nothing that’s new and exciting at this point – more of the same old threatened preterm labor.  My cervix seems to be slowly changing and getting ready for labor – keyword “slowly” so honestly I don’t think it’s going to happen right away.  If I were anyone else I would have been sent home to wait it out.

I came in Saturday because I had some lower abdominal pain that was new and hadn’t gone away in 18 hours.  Then I became crampy and had the criteria of 6 contractions per hour for two consecutive hours.  Honestly had it not been for the new pain I would have stayed home with those contractions because they were so irregular and didn’t feel much different than anything else I had previously.  I came in reluctantly – at this point the “better safe than sorry” mantra only convinces me so much because I get here and things ALWAYS settle down.  Yet I came in anyways.

They hooked me up and could see some uterine activity and they checked me and my cervix was still pretty long but now dilated at the top.  At first they were going to send me home if they checked in two hours and nothing changed but then decided that because I was still having contractions that they weren’t comfortable with that plan and they would admit me.  They did recheck and nothing had changed thankfully.  That night was pretty uneventful but the next day I was really crampy and having contractions so they checked again and my cervix had shortened and softened but remained at 1 cm.  Due to the shortening and softening they kept me another night and here I am today playing the waiting game (and doing A LOT of knitting!).

Last night I was checked once more and there has been “no change” but here’s the very frustrating part of having several different people sticking their fingers in ungodly places – no one has the same perception or finger size of the other! One persons long is another’s short.  One persons open is another’s closed.  So really who the heck knows what’s going on down there really! This morning I had a couple hours of crazy cramping and lots of contractions but they’ve settled and so they haven’t checked me again but are keeping me another night at least.  If I can go the evening/night/morning with no crazy contractions they’ll send me home tomorrow.

The thing is – because of my previous silent labor with my son and because my delivery is not straightforward they don’t want to send me home without being absolutely 100% sure I am definitely not in any silent labor.  They would rather me be here and have a heads up and time to arrange for my c-section than me come in super dilated and have to rush me to an OR.  The only thing they can give to slow contractions is a blood pressure medication but my blood pressure is super low and I’m already on a beta-blocker as it is so it’s not a safe option for me.

I get it and to be honest I’m no longer as stressed out as I was with previous admissions.  I am now 33 weeks and I feel great about that.  I would love to make it even farther but if we don’t I know that we will only face a few weeks in NICU and baby will be just fine.  Since being sent home after my admission three weeks ago I’ve been noticing subtle hints (and not so subtle) that my body is preparing to deliver.  I’ve had far more bad days then good – just generally not feeling good.  Lots of nausea, cramping, contractions.  I’ve just been waiting for the more clear signs.  Honestly I would be so thankful if my water just broke because then I would KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that this was it.  Instead I’m hanging in limbo, waiting, guessing and over analyzing every single little thing.  It’s quite frustrating really.

Am I ready to have a baby? Heck no! In all this craziness I think I’m still not mentally prepared to be bringing a life into this world and to not be pregnant anymore.  This being our last baby I’m having all sorts of emotions about the end of pregnancy for my life.  Yet delivery is imminent and there’s not much I can do to delay it so I guess I’ll just have to adjust!

Since I didn’t get a 32 week update up in time here’s last weeks pic.

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