In a lot of ways being on modified rest really isn’t that difficult. In the beginning it was HARD because I was so symptomatic that I could barely do anything. I felt incredibly unwell but being at home made me want to jump into everything I would normally be doing. Now fast forward 5 weeks later and I’m feeling pretty good. There are days that are bad, but more so they’ve turned into just a few hours at the end of the day. I’m able to tolerate doing a bit more than I could in the beginning and I have my Dr’s blessing to listen to my body and do what I can but stop when it’s been enough. So the biggest challenge hasn’t actually been me, but my 3 year old.
This week I felt like I was coming undone with him. When I first came home he was a complete disaster. Opposite from what he normally is. His normal is a sweet, kind, relatively quiet, obedient and rational little one. His behaviour normally is actually a bit abnormal for the average toddler and I’ve been so grateful for it. Often I’ve said “I’m just waiting for it all to change” but after three years it didn’t seem like that was happening and he would continue on in his way. Then enter me being admitted to the hospital for 7 days, him being pulled from dayhome, my mom here to live and help out and my husband on Christmas vacation. The poor little guys life was completely turned upside down and thrown out the window. His entire routine and what he knew to be his world was shaken up and not put back together.
He began to argue, cry over things he normally wouldn’t, wake up in the middle of the night, wake up extremely early, rarely take a nap and all around was completely different. There were very slight breaks in the cloud but it seemed I was finally getting my threenager and it distressed me. Where was the little boy so kind and so sweet? The biggest challenge is that his nap times are riddled with yelling and screaming for 2 hours straight, not out of sadness or anger but just “because I like to yell and scream” and although I would try and address it it would continue to happen. He continued to become more and more sleep deprived and then on Tuesday we had our worst day yet and I felt like I was at the end of my rope. Everyone keep saying, “maybe he’s growing out of his nap” but in my head and in my heart I know my boy and I know for certain he absolutely needs sleep. At the very least he needs a time to just be quiet, to wind down but of course sometimes you just can’t force little ones to do what you know they need. At the beginning of this week I committed to two weeks of solid routine and if at the end of that he didn’t nap at all I would begin to transition to “quiet time” – any and all suggestions on how to do that well are very welcomed!
Yesterday after a good nights sleep he seemed to be back to my sweet and kind little boy. I had a long appointment in the morning and left him at home with my mom. When I came home I prepared us lunch and just like we would before this fiasco – we immediately went upstairs for nap time. He didn’t fight me or cry, we rocked and he drank his milk then I spent about 10 minutes talking through nap time and quiet time with him. We discussed why it is important to sleep well, why we need rest, why we need to be quiet. He of course had a rebuttal for every sentence but he was absorbing my words and I knew it. On Tuesday he lost a lot of privileges because of his yelling and screaming at nap time (that he had been forewarned about) and he could recall them yesterday (thank you rationality!) so we discussed those privileges again yesterday. I reiterated quite a few times and he acknowledged his understanding. I put him in bed and he cuddled up with his polar bear and blanket about 2 minutes after I shut the door he made one tiny little squeal and then was silent. HE FELL ASLEEP! My momma heart was so relieved.
The real relief came when he woke up and I went in to his room. He was back to the behaviour I knew to be his. All evening he was so pleasant and didn’t fight anything all evening, even when he would start he was easily rationalized with and redirected. He could even verbalize and discuss the differences from the two days. I could have cried after he went to bed I was so happy to have seen my little boy back to normal.
Of course that was just one day and it may all change today but more than ever I’m optimistic that I don’t in fact have a threenager on my hands. Rather I have a little boy whose world was completely upset and has been struggling to get back to what he knows to be true and normal. I’m going to try my best to get him back to that place before this baby shows up and throws us all for a loop.