I’m still not ready.
It’s terrifying yet exciting.
It’s paralyzing yet invigorating.
I can’t choose between the emotions at any given time.
My mind goes back and forth – should I really do this? Isn’t what I have enough?
Maybe the biggest question of all:
IS IT WORTH IT?
I have a stable career – one that I enjoy for the most part. I love my job, I’m passionate about what I do, yet I’ve had this nagging feeling for my entire life of what I really should be doing.
In fact in high school I made sure I took every class offered in my tiny little village school. I even took some courses through correspondence. I volunteered and did every extra curricular activity offered – all in preparation for my life long dream.
Then I graduated, took a missions trip to Trinidad and Tobago my first year out of high school. Then I decided I’d just take a few years to get a degree in Biblical Studies – simply because I wanted to know more about my faith and the bible. In the midst of that degree I ended up becoming a nursing aid in a long term care facility and was enthralled with the idea of becoming a nurse. It wasn’t a far fetched idea given that my mother is one of the best nurses I know and LOVED her job – she was a phenomenal role model for me and so I decided – nursing would be the closest second to my big dream and I could be happy with my career.
It’s true – I could very easily stay in my career and be happy with it.
Yet after all these years I still wonder if it would have ever been possible. If I truly pursued it could I have achieved my ultimate dream? I kept talking myself out of it – and even now I have so many reasons to talk myself out of it. I have a family and we want to continue to expand it – so should I spend time trying to switch careers?
The longer I live the more I realize that everything happens for a reason – I don’t for a single second regret getting my nursing degree. I love my job and I truly am fulfilled in it but there’s more out there for me.
I’m done questioning “what if” and instead I’m pursuing a career as a Family Physician.
It’s still so early in this process, so many steps to take in order to even get to the starting line but I’m choosing to believe that the passionate pursuit of dreams is always worth it – no matter the outcome
So here I am on step 1 – studying for the MCAT exam – and I already feel like I’m in over my head. I have so much to write about it on this topic – I wish we could just go for a coffee and I could explain everything. For now, I’ll leave it at this – wish me luck!
What’s your biggest dream? What’s holding you back or how are you pursuing it?