It’s that time in the summer that I remember from last year. When I get tired of all the heat, when I get a bit lazy with all the gardening and yard work. This year on top of that I’ve been sick for over a week and I’m exhausted from all the work. Yet I couldn’t really imagine it any other way. Last night my husband basically begged me to stay home from work today, he said he would match my wage at work if I would just stay home and rest. Although I really appreciate that he notices how hard I work and the sacrifices I have to make, I actually enjoy going into work. I love my job and I’m not feeling sick enough to stay home – I will push through and this too shall pass.
Monday morning I woke up at 5 am when I normally like to get up and it was still dark. A depressing reminder that winter is coming and a gentle nudge to remind me to hold on to these summer days. To get outside and enjoy the sun, to dig my fingers in the dirt and tend to my plants, to pack a picnic and go for a walk. At this stage in life I really am just pushing through and trying to do my best in all of my roles but I also need to live in the moments of each day. Ezekiel is finally spitting out words and starting to communicate, his big personality is shining through and he’s learning that he can fight for what he wants (also known and stubborn independence), if I’m not allowing myself to be present in these moments it’s easy to get frustrated with him instead of communicating calmly and clearly with him.
I’m pushing through this part of life but I’m also fighting for the moments. It’s an odd paradox to be in – wishing this stage of life was over but enjoying slowing down each day to take it all in.