Motherhood – The Secret To Success


Every morning I wake up between 5 and 530.

Yep it’s early but when I wake up (sometimes by my own internal clock and others by my babies hungry cries) I look forward to going down the stairs, pouring my hot cup of coffee, making my bowl of yogurt and granola and sitting on the couch with the fire going in silence and most importantly – alone.

I need that time, desperately need that time.  It doesn’t matter how many times I had to wake up in the night to give the baby her soother or feed her (typically it’s only twice but sometimes 3 or 4 times).  It doesn’t matter how tired I am, replacing that morning ritual with more sleep inevitably leads to my patience only lasting until 8 am instead of 6 pm.

It’s amazing to me how much I need that time in the morning.  That start to my day is the cornerstone of my sanity as a mother.

Sure there’s the odd day every so often, maybe once a month or once every 6 weeks, that the kids wake up abnormally early (6 am instead of 7 or 8) and I miss out on my morning time but we make it through those days.  I do a lot of deep breathing, a lot of reviewing my thoughts before they become words, maybe we watch an extra episode of a favourite show or maybe we just go out and have some fun instead of the doing the housework that was on the agenda.  Regardless, when the day is done so am I and I pray for more time the next morning to refill my introverted gas tank.

I often get asked how I do so many things, how am I so motivated?

This is my secret – I make sure I have some time alone, to recharge, to reflect, to journal, to read, to write, to listen, to pray, to meditate.  I start the day by setting my intentions and I end the day by reviewing how it went and what I can do better tomorrow.

Some people don’t thrive like this, they don’t crave an orderly, organized, routined environment, that helps them accomplish tasks at home.  Those people have different secrets to their motherhood successes and their successes are usually much different than mine.  Usually they are out on adventures, doing crafts, running errands and looking perfect while doing it.

The truth is they look at me and wish they could accomplish more at home and I look at them and wish I could provide more carefree adventures for my children (and look good doing it).

The other truth is even if both of us were granted our wishes we would feel no less fulfilled or happy, in fact we would probably feel frazzled and very unsatisfied.

Still more truth: though our lives look different we are both amazing mothers doing the best we can. 

The secret to every mothers success?

Mothering from the deepest parts of who we are and being true to that person, forgetting about every voice that tries to push us down and make us feel guilty for who we are or what we don’t accomplish that day.  Our success lies in the ability to understand that we are who we are and we were created to be the mother of these tiny little miracles.

Glasses and Genetics


We recently learned that our oldest – Ezekiel – would need glasses.  It’s taken me some time to process this, and I’m surprised at my internal response to this need.  At first it didn’t phase me, and quite honestly it didn’t surprise me at all, not because I thought he was having trouble seeing (I didn’t pick up on any signs) but because I’ve been wearing glasses since I was 2.  Yet the closer we came to actually ordering and picking up the glasses the more conflicted I became.

Glasses are now going to be a permanent accessory for Ezekiel.  From now until he dies he will need to wear glasses.  This is huge, and maybe I think it’s huge because I absolutely hate wearing glasses, I hate that I have to wear glasses to see, I hate picking out glasses and I don’t enjoy them as an accessory.  To clarify, I love being able to see and I am grateful for such a tool that allows me to see clearly and I’m grateful for healthy eyes but I still hate glasses.  I hate even more that my son is having to wear glasses at such a young age.  I’ve been processing this for a while and asking myself why I hate it so much.  I mean, it’s really not a big deal at all and I shouldn’t be making it one but I just couldn’t shake the disappointed feeling.  People’s first response when I tell them that Ezekiel needs glasses is: there are some really cute kids glasses, he’ll be so cute!

Yes, he’s cute in general and glasses do add another level of cuteness (he could seriously be a glasses model) but it wasn’t just the physical appearance that I’ve been processing and I was trying to put my finger on why.

Yesterday I think I came to understand why.

Genetics.

We all know that when you have children you pass on certain traits.  When talking about evolution, passing on traits is the reason plants and animals procreate.  The thing is, we really only want to pass on the good traits especially when it comes to physical traits.  We also all know that we can never just pass on the good traits, we pass on so many more things.  Now, I’m not a genetics expert, in fact I know very very little about genetics (I really should know more) but I do know a few things:

  1. When a child is conceived they receive 23 chromosomes from you and 23 from your partner/co-creator.
  2. In most cases nothing goes wrong with that.
  3. In other cases there’s a chromosome missing or an extra chromosome that sneaks in.
  4. In still other cases you or your partner (or both) pass on some form of mutation in any of those chromosomes.
  5. In still other cases a mutation just “magically” appears.

I know many stories of all of these situations and I am one such story.  I have a genetic condition that is the result of a “magical” mutation.  I have Marfan Syndrome which is an autosomal dominant condition meaning you only need one copy of the defected gene to have the disorder.  The way you receive that copy is from one of your parents – unless it’s not (like me).  My mutation just happened with absolutely no family history but I have a 50% chance of passing it on to my children.  I’ve never cared about passing on my gene in theory.  When conceiving and carrying my children and even now I have the option to have them tested for this mutation.  I’ve always chosen not to because at this point it changes nothing.  Having said that I am in constant wonder and always looking for signs that they did receive that mutated copy of my gene.  So far, other than having a bit fairer skin then the typical mixed race child they really have very little physical traits that associate them as my children and I’ve always taken that as a sign (and hoped it was a sign) that I didn’t not pass on my mutated gene.

Until now.

Now I question it.

Now I wonder.

Now I’m on full alert.

It’s unknown if astigmatism is genetic but it is known that the chance of astigmatism is higher in a person with Marfan Syndrome.  Of course astigmatism is also prevalent in the general population so it’s not a good sign of Marfan Syndrome but for me it places a check mark on that mental list I have going of physical traits of Marfan Syndrome.  Up until now that list has been blank. Now I find myself wondering and running through the possibility and coming up with imaginary scenarios.

So yes, glasses is not a big deal in reality but to me it means just a little bit more.

Thankfully though, Ezekiel can see much better and in the end that’s what really matters here.

 

 

6 Months


Wow.

How in the world has 6 months gone by since we welcomed our miracle girl into our world? I want to say it seems like yesterday that I was still pregnant and in some ways it does but in more ways Eden has been the perfect completion of our little family that it seems like she’s always been here.

I didn’t expect to love every stage with her because with Ezekiel I loved every stage more than the one before and I thought maybe because of that experience I wouldn’t love the stages as much since I would always be looking forward to the next.  I’m happy to say I’m still absolutely loving every stage – newborn to now has been amazing.  Watching a little person develop and grow and being an integral part of that process is such a privilege! I know far too many people that don’t get to experience that for many reasons and so I try daily to be very present in the process and be grateful for even the hard days.  As always happens in my life I’m finding that even the difficult days don’t seem so difficult until I’m looking at them in the past.  The newborn to three months didn’t seem as daunting at the time as they seem now looking back.  The lack of schedule, the learning of behaviours, cries, likes and dislikes.  The juggling the busyness of keeping two humans alive – all seems so daunting now looking back on it but really in the moment I didn’t mind it.  Then the 3-6 months of finally getting into some sort of rhythm coupled with my need to be home resting and becoming comfortable with my own struggles (read about that here) again seems so daunting now on the other side of it but the process didn’t seem so bad.  In fact it was invigorating to realize we were getting into a rhythm and schedule finally and my Type A personality rejoiced in what soon would become a bit of predictability.

Yes being a mother of two is not as easy as being a mother of one (to all my twin momma’s out there – you are absolute rockstars!!!) but it is just as rewarding and life giving as being a mother of one.  The stages, the discoveries, the developments are all just as worthy of celebration and my desire to celebrate them has been just as strong as when I was experiencing them with my first (to my surprise).  No there aren’t as many pictures – mainly because I want to experience it all without the hindrance of taking a million pictures.  You could label that as a “second child problem” but I’m labeling it as a “more present mother” problem, which isn’t a problem at all.

Eden is our little sunshine girl.  She is pure joy bottled into one little human.  Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever met such a happy baby.  She smiles with her entire body, laughs with the funniest little snorts and loves so fiercely that she can’t control how tightly she grabs you for a hug.  Yes, she is INTENSE in all of her joy and that joy overflows into all that know her.  I know that she will be a girl and woman that uplifts those around her, who loves beyond her limits and brings life to all who know her.  She has already been that to our family and we are so so so lucky to call her our little miracle girl.

Who I am…

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On July 13 I made a decision to take a social media break – at the time I only had Instagram.  It seemed like a decision made abruptly to those around me, but in truth it was a decision I had been contemplating for weeks if not months.  I didn’t plan to delete my Instagram app on July 13 but I had come to a place physically, mentally, and spiritually that I had had enough.  Enough of what? I actually wasn’t sure and for the past two months I couldn’t put my finger on it.  I knew that I felt God pulling me towards this break, to take time to focus my energies elsewhere (more on Him perhaps?).  So early in the morning in the midst of scrolling Instagram I exited out of the app and deleted it in the same breath.  Right after doing it I was in a bit of disbelief – did I really just do that?! Then the next thought – now what?

Well the summer went on, I did more soul searching, praying, reading, listening and honestly I felt no answers.  The first week and a bit I really missed it but after that life just went on and I barely thought about it.  Every so often I’d do a quick soul check and pray about getting it back but I never felt released to do so and I was perfectly OK with that.

Then a few weeks ago I decided to get Facebook back – if you know me you know this was a huge decision for me.  I’ve made my strong dislike for Facebook known, but it’s time to start getting rid of some baby gear and clothes and so I decided to get Facebook purely for the buy and sell groups and Varagesale.  I didn’t add any friends but several people found me, and slowly my friends list grew.  Then I joined a few Young Living groups and began to love them! Last night after a lot of debate and deliberation with myself I decided I would add all the people I knew that popped up on my suggested friends list.  I had this sudden urge to connect.  Similarly, today I re-downloaded Instagram and felt such a peace about it. Up until today I hadn’t fully known why I felt so strongly about deleting Instagram and although I had tried a few times to write about it and sort through my thoughts I never felt released to do that either.

Today though I finally feel like I have some clarity, and I feel released to write again.

At the time I didn’t realize how I was feeling – isolated, lonely, lost, trapped, no energy, lack of motivation.  I’m reluctant to say I was depressed – maybe it’s pride but truly I don’t feel as though I was truly depressed, I just lacked insight and that was bothering me and manifesting in depressive symptoms.  When I deleted the app I felt as though I had very little community that was true and real and I didn’t want to replace true community with false community.  Here’s where it gets good – today I had this amazing realization that ALL community is REAL community.  Online or in physical form – community is community, people are people.

I spent the last two months bouncing between trying to grasp physical community in full force – planning something several days of the week and being utterly exhausted from overbooking us and dealing with a baby that needed to catch up on sleep.  So one week I was a social butterfly, the next week I was a hermit.  Today I realized that I just needed to accept the place in life that I am and stop pitying myself and wishing I was in a different place. It took me deleting Instagram for me to be able to do that.  Now that I have it’s time to embrace all of who I am:

A mom of two – one being a baby that needs ample amounts of sleep.

A self proclaimed homebody.

A woman recovering from the most exhausting and taxing 2 years of life physically, mentally and emotionally.

A wife needing to connect and stay connected to her husband in a new season of life.

A friend who desires connection in all forms and desires to give that same connection back.

A beloved daughter of the King and member of His Kingdom.

I seriously feel so much more at peace, with who I am, where I am, and the communities I belong to.

What are you being challenged with?

 

 

Garden Update August 20, 2017

It’s been a busy two weeks for us over here.  We’ve been out and about enjoying the gorgeous weather and play dates with some friends.  Not a lot of gardening has been happening aside from watering everything and picking the zucchini and ripe tomatoes but the garden has been flourishing for the most part.  This weekend I did get some things done – securing tomatoes, fertilizing them, picking all the lettuce after discovering slugs.

The tomatoes are starting to ripen more and more, we haven’t had more than we can eat yet but they are going to catch up to us soon.  The peppers are starting to really go crazy, the paprikas, sweet peppers and jalapeños especially but the hot peppers are really flowering and looking well.  We’ve been picking and eating carrots daily for snacks and enjoying them immensely.  Zucchini is still going strong and doesn’t look like they’ll be slowing down anytime soon.  The pumpkins, squash, and watermelon vines are growing fast but so far no real fruit has shown up.

Since it’s been two weeks since my last update I have pictures from both weeks.  First up, the week of August 12:

And this week:

That’s it for today friends.  Maybe someday I’ll be able to post more frequently and about more than just my garden, but for now I’m embracing where I am in life and accepting it’s limitations.

Ciao!

Garden Update August 5, 2017

I wrote this post sitting in a  car, driving to my parents.  It’s a long drive and an even longer one with two kids – one being 4 months old.  I figured it was a good time to post another update! We are enjoying our very short trip and I’m really hoping the garden is still doing well when we return! That’s the downside of gardening – travelling is hard to do unless you have someone to tend to the gardens. 

It’s been a busy week around here but I still managed to get some gardening done.  I finally have all the tomatoes supported, including catching up on the big gardens tomato weave – the pictures I have were taken on Tuesday before I finished the weave.  The greenhouse tomatoes have almost grown taller than their supports and still look awesome.  The outside potted tomatoes don’t look amazing but they’ve all been fertilized now so hopefully they perk up.  The garden peppers seemed to have liked the fertilizer, there are lots of peppers popping up now and they look a lot greener and healthier.  We are eating a zucchini a day and I think I’ll be making a lot of zucchini baked goods.  I put up a garden net securing it to the garden box and then to the fence for the butternut squash, watermelon, and cucumbers to climb.  I haven’t had any flowers or fruit on any of those yet – next year I definitely have to start them early in the greenhouse.  

I think that’s it for updates this week.  Seemed like the tomatoes are all getting ready to start ripening – then the fun begins! 

Disclaimer: you are about to see my yard in its truest form – always cluttered with various things Ezekiel drags around.  I did clean it right after these pictures but in the spirit of keeping it real didn’t retake them! 


That’s it for this week! Happy gardening friends! 

Garden Update July 24, 2017

Another weeks gone by and it was incredibly busy for us, full of baby showers, play dates and medical appointments.  I found it hard to keep up with the housework so gardening was not happening.  The most I got done was making sure everything was watered and the greenhouse tomato plants fertilized.  Thankfully the gardens are at the point where a week of neglect isn’t too bad and barely noticeable.  I will say that I’ve basically given up on pruning the tomatoes.  I do some here and there but keeping up with 91 plants is just too much! 

Anyways the garden seems to be doing well! I ate my first tomato – Amish paste variety, it was tasty! The tomatoes are all growing like crazy, I’m especially happy with how the greenhouse plants are doing, the shade cloth has proved to be a great purchase.  The greenhouse peppers are also doing amazing, the peppers in the garden however are still not doing awesome.  I’m going to try a bit of fertilizer but I actually think it’s too much sun.  There are a couple plants being shaded by the zucchini and they are green and amazing, so maybe I need to get another shade cloth and rig it up somehow.  Also a lot of the peppers are splitting, I thought maybe the hail we got before had damaged some but now there are more.  From what I read online it’s probably due to inconsistent watering – which makes sense, so I guess I’ll try to be more consistent with the peppers. The greens, carrots, and onions are status quo.  We ate our first half zucchini last night from Ezekiel’s little garden and he’s getting a couple pea pods to munch on per day which makes him happy.  I  cut our first dill harvest today, made some dill potatoes and froze the rest.  

So here’s the garden in pictures! 


Tomatoes like crazy! 


The pictures make the peppers look happier than they are.


Despite them not looking happy there are still some peppers growing.


I can’t wait to dig up those heads of lettuce! 


Zucchinis are taking off!


Ezekiel’s garden goods.


Loving having an herb garden! 


The greenhouse is just so much fun this year! 

That’s it for this week! I’m predicting that I’m going to be incredibly busy with tomatoes in the next three weeks.  I’m mentally gearing up the busyness of canning in the fall.  I think I’ll be doing a lot of baby wearing 🙂